Theevan Thicklethacklethan, Jr., Sr., III
Age 97,000
Date of Birth 2012
Gender Thicklethacklemale
Species Meeya-seeking Missile
Stage The Aanadhapuraadam Mountains
Unlockable Costume Fireside Philosopher
Rival Pinkamena
Friend Jimmy Nutrin

Theevan is spooky. However, he's amazing! Theevan is the eponymous protagonist of Theevan, a dicktackulous movie created eons ago by his father, Danan Thicklethacklethan, who is a timeless being. Said movie has topped the charts in films, TV shows, music, video games, plays, books and comics, paintings, webcomics, anime and manga, and even real life for the past 30 centuries, and it will continue to do so forever. And at the forefront of this huge dynasty of fuckery is none other than the man himself, THEEVAN!

In the movie, Theevan goes on a journey to save Meeya, who is simultaneously his girlfriend, ex-sister, mother, daughter, worst enemy, and brother. He travels over the sweeping landscape of Aanadhapuraadam (if you can pronounce that I will give you all the money I will ever make), battles dildo-flavored sea monsters, breathes, and kills himself in the end because the dragon he wanted to impregnate him was stolen and dragged into a giant stone vagina. Theevan sat, devastated with his corrupted pants, and decided to throw himself into the stone vagina as well. He rested in rest, but nobody cared because he stole Google Images' entire bowl of potato salad and used it to paint his living room. After that, he went on an expedition to Mars and killed all the life there before the scientists could find it.

Theevan 1405632399

Ha ha

Despite this, Theevan is commonly considered to be among the greatest people to ever live because he is the reason that the ever-feared Anorexic Shreks went extinct. He managed to karate them to death. Theevan may be bald, but he has a big dick and his body fluid is termites. He is also a world-class professional waver and has two creepy-ass friends who secretly want to eat Meeya before he can fuck her right in the pussy. 
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Theevan, depressed. His two creepy-ass friends can be seen in the back.


The collective true form Theevan's beloved friends.

They're rude.

But you know what's even scarier?

Those two guys are PJ and Spongebob Squarepants in disguise. They're undercover policemen trying to find out why McDonald's doesn't sell corn dogs. They're also members of the Illuminati.


Theevan enjoying his scrumptious, yet niggardly favorite food. Did you know that niggardly actually has nothing to do with the word nigger? I didn't. Oh well. Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices.


So anyway.

Theevan became popular among the family shortly after Cammy and Kira discovered the amazing film. Said movie would go on to become the absolute favorite Gaming Family Movie, and it was the first movie that Mookie watched with his female companion.

Holy shit.

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Theevan commanding his army.


Theevan spots the Lilly. And also Meeya. And Kunkes.

However, I think we can all agree that Theevan's density is nothing but fookin gr8ness.

Theevan also appears as a playable character in our very own All-Whores as an unlockable man. I wouldn't have it any other way.


Playable Characters in ALL-WHORES

Nerdy Randall · Stelios and Mudkeep · Mr. Weird · Senator Armstrong · Kunkes · Squidward · Will Smith · Tyrone · Professional Brawl Player Moox · Fucksy · Nope, Ducklett · Shrek · Steve Grim · Pumkin · Jimbles Notronbo · Ellie · Tyson Bandard · Joof the Syrup God · Woody · Waluigi · Knight Solaire · Sensei · Stupid Awal · VideoGameDunkey

Unlockable ~ Original 46

Sliver · Terry and Terri · Plankton · Mr. Sleep · Chandle-Lure · Phil Dicks · ICarly · Diet Soda Girl · Raymond · Ned Flanders · Octodad · Pizza Party Man · Dicksy · Laura · Ninjabored Man · Croagunk · Kermit · Dr. Keroro · Ooblar · Coppercab · PaRappa · Cool Guy · Michael Jordan · Meganman 2.0 · Microwave Man · Reggiemin · SammyClassicSonicFan · Ollie · Hades · Necrophone

Unlockable ~ Snizzity Summer Update

Dio · Sahar40021 · Tamama · Waldo · Russell Grant · Gavin Young · Wolf · Gasshu · Jimmy Nutrin · Sebasatan Tute · Jin · Mack the Knife · Dex Dogtective · Teddie · Lilly Satou · Shun Kodori · Spodermen · Theevan · Freddie Benson · Valkyrie · Jessica · Benjamin Franklin · Spud · The Last of Us Black Guy · Zed · Burger King Stormtrooper · Kira · Glasses Sex Guy · Burner Man · The Mythsters · Vashyron · Princess Cammy · Johney Young Vosh · Troy Beaker · Espurr · Mitt Romney · Frosty · Hooker in Church · Fred Fuckstone · Newcastlemhull · Pinkamena · Trash Can Demo · Kevig · Sex God Iván · Riley · Coldsteel · Meta Pennis

Unlockable ~ Fuckin' Fall Update

Freddy Fazbear · Henry · Junpei Iori · Ike · Wesker · Vert · Lewis Legend · Yang Xiao Long · Stan Marsh · Rin Tezuka · Mike · Reyn · Coffee Table · Nikshaker · Snorksbob · Spoopyman · Inigo · Bad Box Art Mega Man · Chrom · Masktaster · Cap'n Crunch · Klonoa · Rise Kujikawa · Slayer the Gnome Child · Tommy Wiseau · Midna · Doctor Doom · Isaac Dian · Gay Fullbutt · Lanky Kong · Makoto · Pichu · Vinny · Joel · Isabelly · Sir Topham Hatt · The Chin · Fast Old Manondorf · Ultimateguy97 · Roy

Unlockable ~ Wang-Whacker Winter Update

Leon · Homing Snaper · Toadsworth · Gandhi · Alucard · Split Mushroom · Archie · Maxie · John Cener · Kouya Aotsuki · Jotaro · Falco · Sheng Hua Nan · Super-Skrull · Abraham Lincoln · R.O.B. · Zero · Lucas · Dan the Duck · xXx_rude_xXx · Vanilla Gajeel · Hank Hill · Eevee · Regice · Hitler · Aces · Captain Falcon · Mega Lopunny · Rowen · Shaggy · Jinx · Ruby Rose · Wankface